Speedy Gone-granny
by Billy Whizz

It has been brought to our attention that there has been several speeding violations by aging members of the Askam community.
The sight of speeding geriatrics in electric wheelchairs on Duddon Road has caused great concern for some local residents. One local who wishes to remian nameless said "whilst walking the dog (who was quietly relieving himself in somebody's front garden) I was nearly mown down by one of these aged hooligans, It is outrageous that these louts can get away with such anti social behaviour." Another resident claims to have seen two of these offenders "drag racing" to the carpark.
Local constabulary were informed and said they would make every effort to catch the elderly wide boys/girls. How much effort is questionable as said upholder of the law was seen later that day enjoying a large vanilla doughnut on the carpark.
An action group has been set up to purchase speed cameras or laser guns to catch the purpetrators in action so that speeding tickets can be issued.
Should you have any information or would like to donate to the action group please dont hesitate to contact the action group SAGS (Stop Aging Geriatrics Speeding)

Note from Editor
We have to agree that the craze has got out of hand and support you SAGS in every action you take. Although we would not recommend you taking direct action... a small piece of two by two in the spokes may just start a new craze of granny flipping.