Sewer Questions Answered
A local employee of BNFL has thrown the reason behind the installation of the new sewer system into question. The official line is that the whole length of the sewer system needs to be replaced to keep up with the flow of waste created by the new houses on Blea Beck and the Parklands Estate. The Parish Council have campaigned for this to happen for a long time, helping those whose cellars regularly flood.
But, plans have been produced to the effect that the whole stretch of road will indeed be laid with a pipe, but not for waste. The piping is to be used in an 'atomic particle acceleration' experiment.
The initial hole outside the Co-op Convenience Store is to hold the power generator and huge fans needed in the process. This noise of the genera tors will be hidden by 'a problem' occurring with the fridges in the Co-op. The plans show all the stages of the build, which indeed started in the Co-op. By the unknown company agreeing to pay for the conversion, the Management of the Co-op agreed to house their entire fridge collection on the outside wall.
The second stage is now in progress. But the third should be considered as the most serious. The pipe, although made to look like it is being placed within the confines of the road, will indeed be routed under three houses of Blea Beck, coming to an end directly below the bar of the Vulcan Pub.

The pipe will have minute atomic particles blasted down its whole length at differing speeds, testing the shock wave from the exploding particle as it hits the plutonium coated 'catcher'. The process will take a fraction of a second, but will leave a nuclear trail in its wake that will last for 24 hours. A cumulative effect of this will be, when the full experiment is over, the pipe will be classed as radioactive and have a half-life of 40,000 years.
We are led to believe that part payment for the project is from the Government, as they hope to be doing their own research into atomic particles and it's effects on the contemporary pub goer.
A regular of the Vulcan said 'Nowt'll stop us from goin' t' Vulcan. Bes' pint in Askam' BNFL have denied and proved all the allegations are false and threatened the paper with legal action. Although after talks they agreed that we could run the article if the editor promised to make the new BNFL Chairman cheese sandwiches everyday for three months.