Saintly Shock For Askam
One reporter has been to the Vatican City and after a few days reporting, they have discovered that a local resident is on the list to become a Saint.
The process involves the proving of miracles and the selfless acts that have taken place in their name. Although the Vatican has issued a warning of legal proceedings if we name the person in question, we can reveal that they are closely connected to the Parish Council.
In a document recovered by the reporter it states that one of the miracles in question is the creation of a dozen marrow's, all containing images of the disciples at the table of the Last Supper. When placed around a cauliflower it is believed to make a full tableau depicting the religious event. The vegetables were presented at last years Harvest Festival celebrations, but were then missed by the eight people who attended. The soon to be Saint took a picture and sent it directly to the Pope who endorsed the collection as definite proof that Jesus lived and preached in and around Askam and Ireleth.
Another miracle involved the resurrection of a small dog on Dale Street. It was said that the person saw the terrier in crisis with its head stuck down the cover of a drain. Rushing to the scene they grabbed the back end and tugged hard. The death involved the removing of the head from the shoulders. Although there were absolutely no witnesses to verify the claim, the person reconnected the head and with a single touch to the chest, the Terrier jumped back to life and ran off wagging its tail. Although, the footnote to this story is that the dog bit a postman the next morning and was destroyed by the court.
The reporter was disturbed in the Cardinals office at this point, escorted off the premises and deported from Italy with the express order not to return for the next five years, when he will once again be able to take the two week camping experience.
Here at the Askam Herald we will endeavour to dig further into the claims and the progress of beatification.