Royal Family To Move To Askam
A local resident has wrote to the Queen to ask if they would like to move into the Askam area. The long haired, bearded resident from James Street wrote: 'We the people from Askam believe that a member of the Royal Family would be a welcomed resident in the village, therefore we cordially invite you to take up residence in our beautiful village. I believe the proceeds from the sale of Buckingham Palace would secure you a nice little two up, two down in Steel Street. It could be a real homely place to retire for you and Prince Phillip, and there is a yard at the back of the house for the Royal Corgies to do their Royal Business.'

The resident sent a duplicate copy to the Askam Herald, so naturally we were intrigued enough to contact her. She told us that it had been a wish of hers since she could remember. In an act of friendship the resident showed us around the inside of the house. Every wall was covered with images, neatly cut from the newspaper, of every Royal from every conceivable angle. Every room was broken down into decades of the Queens reign and she had begun to move into the toilet. We enjoyed ourselves immensely and sat down to a devonshire cream tea.
It came as a pleasant surprise when the Queen personally wrote back to the resident, stating: 'It comes as a coincidence, because at the time of writing this letter we have just had a secret viewing of number 53 Beach Street, (the present owner has been told to deny this completely). We liked the property and have thought long and hard over the decision to move. We will keep you informed as to our answer and will expect you to call and see the house once we have the crown jewels nicely set out in the new ikea display cabinet'.
The Askam Herald will report further when we receive any more correspondence.