Askam Wages War
by Catflea Massacre

An invasion is on its way to Askam and it looks like there will be no turning the aggressor back. The Askam Herald is warning householders to board up their premises and homes and bed down ready for an indefinite period of serious upheaval and turmoil.
The experts on local history are laying the blame for this situation fairly and squarely at the feet of the boundary commission and their ignorance as to the workings of a rural community.
Although no visible signs have been seen on the ground, the Ministry of Defence have confirmed that 'aggressive movements' have been monitored through satellite in the region of Paradise. The reports state that they have seen shapes that match that of the Panther X99.35v Attack Tank, moving through the area under the cover of darkness.
The history is that Paradise was brought into the Parish of Askam and Ireleth just after WW1, in the interest of national security. The administrative centre of Paradise was closed down under massive protests from the residents, but agreed that for the foreseeable future, they would accept the situation, on the condition that it would be returned to it's tax free principality status within ten years of the end of the war. The agreement was extended on the commencement of WW2.
Since 1998 the residents of Paradise have demanded the return of their Government and President, and with no agreement forthcoming, they are taking the law into their own hands.
It has been leaked by a senior official for the Paradise Militia that an invasion will be taking place this weekend, if the weather is nice; if it rains they would like all opposing forces to gather in the community centre.
The residents of Askam have began to board up the doors and windows of all properties, they are battening down the hatches and filling their keyholes with super glue ready for the onslaught of Paradisians. The CO-OP has reported a high volume of stock has passed through its tills, and to quote 'we've had a run on crumpets, or pikelets whatever you want to call them'.
The Parish Council for Ireleth and Askam has been trying to raise an army to 'rival that of the Third Reich', but they have had no response to the forms they have sent out. Advertising Executives have blamed the lack of response on the wording of the form, stating 'Die for your village' was not friendly enough.
The Borough Councillor for Askam and Ireleth has claimed that they do not believe the reports and are preparing to do absolutely nothing and are in fact claiming that the Askam Herald is whipping up fear in an attempt to boost readership. This is completely untrue, but we will not be testing it in court.