Massive Shortages To Hit Askam
The National Retail Association Of Great Britain contacted The Askam Herald this week to warn of a major shortage in the supply of Jammie Dodgers. It is claimed that the whole of the biscuit manufacturing sector will lose profits of up to ninety five percent as the ingredients become scarce. The governing body have launched an investigation into the situation after claims that an Askam man is at the heart of the problem. They stated that a decimal point had been inserted into the wrong column on the order form and that resulted in the main supplier receiving only one gallon of jam instead of one million.
The Askam Co-op is to receive it's last delivery of Jammie Dodgers on the 14th of July. It has been decided that the shop will open especially at 12 midnight on the day so that they can deal with with the crisis buyers and not have them disrupt a normal days shopping. Any supplies of Jammie Dodgers left on the shelf will be doubled in price as the usual biscuit will become a rare commodity.
Passports proving the buyers identities will be cross checked with the official electoral register so that no 'enemies of the parish' will get through. It is feared that teams of specialist buyers will swoop on the store to gather as many packets as possible, then sell them on through the black market. Undercover police have infiltrated gangs in both Dalton and Kirby in the hope that illegal operations can be stopped before they get off the ground. The manager of the Co-op has been placed on record after telling a customer that ' crisps are kept on the shelves just inside the front door'.
At last months Parish Council meeting the whole agenda was extended to deal with the impending emergency. Police chiefs attended the meeting to declare that they would be putting a permanent police presence in the village to reassure the residents that no underhand activities were likely to take place. The Askam Herald has been informed that the shortage may take four weeks to sort out. Our advice: stock up, because as we all know, there is nothing like a Jammie Dodger with your evening drink.