The Truth Behind The Bakery
The finest pie makers and cake creators of the Furness area have come under suspicion.
It was revealed by a former employee that a local bakery was only opened on a reduced timetable due to 'other' activities. They said '...It's a front, they are aliens, not human, beware.' The allegations have shocked the Askam community and gossip is spreading. The source gave further details at a press conference hosted in the Vulcan. The building itself was only a mask and underneath stood the body of a spaceship. The owner communicated with the Mothership by climbing into the fridge. Technologically advanced engines were kept in the freezers along with fuel, created from the positive emotions of their satisfied and well-fed customers.

Probing further led to startling accusations; She liked to cook in her real form, a snake like fog, which could transport itself trough the power of thought. When in this form she would chant recipes, creating mantras that brought their own deep echoes. Lights would flicker on and off when she passed under them.
' It was scary seeing her like that' said the witness: 'you'd be half way through a pie mix and she'd be there floating above your shoulder, horrid tongue flicking. I never slept after the first time I saw it. although you do get over it.'
The Askam Herald has heard from a separate source that the rocket will launch three days before Judgement Day, therefore effectively becoming our warning to repent, quickly.
We went to the bakery to put our own questions to the owner, she told us that a cheese pie and an almond slice would cost £1.10.