by Catflea Massacre
The Askam Herald would like to welcome your support in a campaign to be launched later this month. We would like to get every person in the Parish and all the ex-pats scattered around the world to display a banner stating ‘Jelly Babies Deserve Rights Too’.
Askam’s most famous resident, Captain Birds Eye (and I bet most of you didn’t realise he lived in the village) has agreed to spearhead the campaign and appear in public, signing autographs for the children at only £5 a go. The money will be put into a campaign fund allowing the Editorial team to travel to the Bassett’s factory and picket on the main gate.
The main thrust will be to have employment laws, accepted by all national workers, extended to incorporate the Jelly Baby and other human shaped confectionary. This will mean that the average Jelly Baby will only be allowed to be chewed for a maximum of 48 hours a week. If anyone is found to be chewing beyond this time limit they will be placed in front of the unions and the governments worker and pensions ombudsman, where fines of up to £1000 will be issued.
The reason to keep this campaign to the residents and ex-pats of Askam is so we can name the law ‘The Askam and Ireleth legislation on the rights of Jelly Babies’, therefore highlighting Askam on an international level every time that the law is mentioned in the media. There is no gain for any person in particular, although the editor will get a couple of free trips out of it and maybe a free banquet now and then; but that will be his cross to bear and he does accept the burden of the travel, but he is willing to do this for the generous people of Askam and Ireleth.
To register your support, please fill in the contact form, found on the front cover of the Askam Herald, and press submit. The names of those supporting the campaign will then be added to the campaign page for all to see.
