House Moving
by Catflea Massacre

Askam has been hit by a spate of house moving in recent weeks. It started when 39 Steel Street decided that they wanted to move to Beach Street, so instead of the usual put the house on the market, they dismantled their house brick by brick and rebuilt it on spare land.
A couple then filled the gap left in Steel Street by moving from Duke Street as they decided that the noise from cars pulling up at the Post Office was disturbing their Jeremy Kyle hour.
This gap in Duke Street was temporarily filled by a group of protestors from ‘Bring back the Bay City Rollers’ campaign group, although this was short lived when they discovered that it wasn’t Les McKeown who lived next to the gap, but a pensioner who had the same initials and a tartan scarf.
As the campaign group vacated the area, a family from Sun Street in Ireleth moved down into Askam, “To be nearer the shops and away from the long slog up the hill”

This creation of space brought chaos to the whole of Sun Street when seven families turned up, each with their respective bricks and mortar piled up on roof rack, trailer and backpack. The ensuing melee developed into a full-blown fight and was attended by the local Policeman. On making an executive decision PC Knott held an impromptu scissors, paper, stone competition. The winners pitched their house, the others being ushered back to ‘where they came from’.
The surprise of the commotion was that Tony Blair had relocated Number 10 into Askam View on the sly while the bickering over Sun Street went on. The rightful owners of Askam View asked Mr Blair why he had taken their land; the answer was delayed, as he would not give any reason until they had proved that they were not cousins of Gordon Brown.
The whole episode is now coming to and end when the might of the Parish Council came down and an executive decision was made to commission another bench on the original site in Beach Street, but this will only take place after the Chairman can persuade the Steel Streeters to move back.