Annual Hard Head Competition

Well, what can we at the Askam Herald say about the Hard Head Competition that was held in the Community Centre last weekend… only that it was the best competition for sometime. Seventeen competitors stood up to face the hit on the head with a 4lb lump hammer, three times as many as last year.
The favourite was undoubtedly last years stunning victor, Jenny Donnelly, but with such a strong line up she was clearly worried. Jenny said, “I have been out of practice for the past couple of weeks after the incident with the woolly hat, and that has set me back. However my training regime has been going really well and the addition of the Jaffa Cakes was a masterstroke on behalf of my trainer as I feel like I have a surprising zest to my step.”
Her main rival, and bookies second favourite came in the guise of Phantom Phil, or Mr Birkett to his friends. He was upbeat about his chances, “I have been practising all week and have now raised my game to hopefully pull off that elusive win.”
The competition started with the seventeen competitors each receiving a single blow from Parish Councillor Peter Randall. Initial facial gestures proved correct as five of the competitors pulled out from the round after blood and tears started flowing.
The second round saw four more of the competition dropped leaving the eight remaining competitors to face the 8lb Lump Hammer Test.

Unlike the 4lb hammer the 8lb is not coated with Aspirin and therefore gives an added kick to the blow.
After another three rounds and a raise in the Hammer weight there was left only the two favourites, and the competition really began to get interesting.
The Askam Herald was proud to be the exclusive sponsor of the event and as it was our inaugural venture into corporate sponsorship, we pushed the boat out and managed to book TV’s Favourite, Matthew Kelly for the final round. Although he called the practice barbaric, he did seem to enjoy the role as he brought down the 15lb hammer down on the two remaining heads.
Both contestants gave their all with Jenny Donnelly just edging ahead by the final weight jump. Phil was finding it hard to stop the blood running into his eyes, and this finally gave Jenny the determination to withstand a double swung 21lb hammer, as she later described, “Phil couldn’t judge when the blow would strike due to the blood streaming down his face and therefore I knew that within a couple of rounds he would have to retire or risk permanent ugliness. I just hung on knowing my family were right behind me.”
Jenny lifted the Golden (coloured) Hard Hat for the second year running and as she did a tear of joy poignantly ran down her cheek, joining the river of blood just below the ear. In the post match interview she has vowed to return next year, it will be the first televised Hard Head Competition as the Askam Herald and Askam TV have agreed a joint sponsorship deal that will see prize money for the first time.
We look forward to seeing you next year.