Election Sparks Riot

Never before has Askam and Ireleth witnessed anything like the riots that spread early on Friday evening. The spark that lit the fire came when the London Tavern Darts Team were electing their new chairman.
When the two candidates outlined their policies to the electorate, it became obvious that fists were going to fly. The current chairman had nominated his rival, Dennis, as designated driver for all the away legs; even though he knew that was the only night his wife would let him have a drink, and to add injury to insult, claimed that his rival was only fit to supply the sandwiches and dropped him down the rankings to number eight player.
Although Dennis had prepared a speech in advance, it was no longer readable after it had fallen short and landed in Bill’s pint. With pure determination, Dennis stood before the gathering and claimed that Bill was a “fluffy duck with a head made of cotton wool, whose mother crocheted pom-poms”. It made no sense to the election, but the comment split the crowd down the middle.
The first punch has still not been allocated, but after the sixth, ninth and twenty-first, nobody seemed to care.

The police were called and arrived promptly just as the crowd began to spill out onto the street. Neighbours, passers-by and drivers jumped in to try and pull apart the seething mass, but every attempt at peace making resulted in further and nastier violence. Fists were flying, hair was flying, skin was flying, birds were flying, there seemed that nothing could be kept at ground level.
In a pure twist of fate, the whole lot came to an abrupt halt after a five-hour battle when the landlord rang the bell for last orders.
Police are still taking statements from all the people who were involved, either as participants, onlookers or bookies taking bets on the winner. So far they have arrested seven people and are looking into prosecuting another one hundred and six.
As ever the Askam Herald will report back next month on the court proceedings, when the judge gives his ruling.