NEW VILLAGE COMPETITION ENDS AT SHORT LEG
Submitted by Stumpy McNoknees
Vertical limbo dancing has arrived in Askam as Easter Sunday saw the first short leg of the London Tavern Sponsored vertical limbo dancing contest. Categories and results were as follows:-
OVER SIX FEET AND A FAG END
1st Mike Kellet
2nd Mike Scudamore
3rd Brian Scudamore (disqualified for standing on a buffet)
WIDER THAN TALL
1st John Armistead
2nd Bill McGowan
3rd Ken Wass
LADIES ALL SHAPES AND SIZES
Results on application in plain brown envelope at judges discretion (Yes we are too scared to print)
1st Les Medhurst
2nd Mike Farragher
3rd Dave Knight
In a dispute after the last event, Dave Knight accused Les Medhurst of being vertically challenged and therefore not eligible on grounds of unreasonable stature and being from Yorkshire. At which point Mr Medhurst climbed off his toadstool took off his pointed cap and battered Mr Knight around the kneecaps with his fishing rod. Landlord Bill stepped in telling both parties that he would put them over his knee and give them a good spanking. To which Mr Knight said "Please don't do that as I suffer from vertigo" The fracas quietened down with both parties returning to their toadstools and drinking shorts by the thimbleful.
Landlord Bill said " We hope to make this an annual event as I have got the team gnome competition stitched up. However I will have to go into training for the Wider than Tall event, the sausage and chip butties on Friday nights will be made compulsory with several pints of Marstons for good measure, this should ensure my team are in peak shape and fighting for breath."
