Bin Laden Found In Askam
On the evening of Thursday the 8th, a startling discovery was made by an irate television viewer after his television lost the three main channels and left him with a fuzzy channel4. The man, who wishes to remain nameless, said ‘I left my house on Saves Lane and made the trek to the mast at the top of the hill. I’m usually a couch potato, but two hours of channel4 was enough. I wanted to see why the end of Fresh Prince had disappeared.
On arriving at the mast, the witness climbed the ladder. Emerging from inside the protective cover of the radio mast, the man received a call on his mobile phone. His wife broke the news that the television was back on and Eastenders was just beginning. Giving his position away by screaming, the man felt a hand on his shoulder. Recoiling in shock, he turned to discover that the FBI’s most wanted man was behind him, trying to massage his shoulders.
After a brief conversation and a little Indian head massage the witness phoned the Police to report the happenings and also to claim the 25 million pound reward money. He said that Bin Laden seemed ‘alright’ as they talked about the weather, cars and Danielle Westbrook’s new boob job that had been on This Morning that morning.
The man is now demanding a full public inquiry into the situation as the United States Government have refused to pay the reward. They say the evidence that was presented to them by the British Police has failed to mention the presence of Bin Laden. The Police Spokesman stated ‘We passed all the files to the US Authorities after reporting our findings’. He added ‘as far as we are concerned the man in question found a dead crow and a MarsBar wrapper. He was in a state of shock through vertigo and the 49 year old has since been charged with wasting Police time. The file is now closed as far as we concerned. We asked him which team would win the Euro 2004 Championship, but he refused to talk to us anymore.