Big Cat Spotted

On Tuesday last week the first reports of a big cat came down from the moors. Usual recluse Jasper Finebone (not known to many Askam residents) made a surprise appearance on the doorstep of the CO-OP to give a statement to the gathering sections of the press. Our reporter gathered by himself there to witness the statement first hand.
Mr Finebone said that the ‘cat’ appeared to be about three foot tall, and four foot long; it had a black furry skin and a tail that always pointed in the direction of Blackpool.
He first spotted it coming out of a cave about five o clock in the morning as it ran off towards the east. After about half an hour Jasper plucked up the courage to take a peek into the cave and see if there were any signs of how long it had been living in the area.
Mr Finebone was surprised to find that the ‘cat’ had a liking for Pot Noodles as he found a partition wall made from the containers and a kettle. Impressed with the findings Jasper gave an accurate description of the construction. He said, ‘the main bulk of the wall was made with the green chicken and mushroom flavour pot, decorated by interwoven beef and tomato brown and curry brown. It formed a sort of mosaic border that had an urban chic about it. The cat had also fashioned itself a bedroom, with streamers made from ‘flavouring sachets’ to act as a door.
Jasper left the cave after five minutes, frightened that the cat would return soon.

It took another six days before it returned carrying over ‘… one hundred pot noodles stuffed into twenty-three Tesco shopping bags’. Asked whether he took a photograph, Jasper replied ‘… I haven’t got a camera or electricity, however I did fashion a picture out of handfuls of grass, but that was blown away’.
The Parish Council has responded in sending a blank piece of paper to every household. The Parish Secretary stated, ‘when we have a picture, we’ll send it to the electorate, but the leaflet distributed yesterday, is as much as we know. And by the way we are buying a new bench…’
Our reporter left at that point. If you find the cat raiding your larder, please don’t hesitate to take a photograph and mail it to us at The Askam Herald immediately. We will endeavour to bring you all the latest news as it happens.