Askam TV
Submitted By Norm

I followed your instructions on how to receive Askam TV. I switched to channel 984 on freeview, opened a can of frankfurters (I had no fresh sausages) and placed, as per your instructions, said items between terminals and rested skillfully crafted paper aircraft on third spoke of aerial.
Within the space of thirty seconds there was a most distinctive smell of cooking frankfurter and a haze of fatty gas enveloped my TV. The paper aeroplane bust into flame and ignited the fatty gas cloud. My trousers were sprayed with this lethal napalm and it was only through an act of sheer desperation that I was able to remove and toss said trousers into the corner of the room where they set light to the curtains. Fearing for my life I fled the conflagration and made a most hasty exit into the street where I collided with a passing constable.
I am now in a police cell charged with assaulting a police officer and indecent exposure. You will be hearing from my solicitor in due course.


We at the Askam Herald are mortified that you have found yourself in a small pickle, but we cannot accept any responsibilty as you yourself stated, “I had no fresh sausages”. However you have been missing a treat and as soon as you are released from Her Majestys Pleasure be sure to give it another go.
The Askam Herald are always happy to promote local interests and support every member of the community.