Angling
by Marvin Kestrel

The 2005 UK Angling Championships which were held last week in Askam have been described variously as "a proud moment for the village" and "a bloody disgrace".
Professional fishy types from all parts of the country took part in the event, the first time it has been held anywhere without a major river or lake. Despite this, Askam beach proved a scenic and most productive setting, particularly for those with local knowledge.
Reigning Champion Des Moines, of Surrey, dramatically quit the event upon arrival at his B&B when he was told breakfast would not be served until 7am. "He went ballistic," explained Sonny De Lyte, owner of Brickworks View Guest House, "He said that 7 was the middle of the day and he wanted kippers at half one. I said 'That's too early, and anyway we don't do kippers, and anyway you could catch yer own, or are yer not really that good a fisherman when it comes down to it?', and with that, he turned and left.. Got 'is deposit though so I'm not out of pocket really, as I was able to let the room, nice room, just decorated it last month, sherbert surprise with a mahogony dildo rail, anyway, we had a load of Chinese lads turn up. Lovely they are. Quiet. They eat their breakfastses in silence. They've put me on to that green tea. It don't half clear you out, mind."